Separating from a spouse or partner is rarely easy. When children are involved, this process can be even more challenging than it otherwise might be, partially because each individual can’t effectively retreat to their separate corners.
When exes (whether temporary or permanent) must remain in each others’ lives as co-parents, emotions run high, routines are disrupted and the uncertainty of the situation can feel overwhelming for everyone.
With that said, if you and your child’s other parent are going your separate ways – for now or for good – it is important to remember that how you and your co-parent handle the early days of separation can set the tone for the months and years to come. Taking deliberate, child-focused steps from the beginning can help ease the transition and to minimize a risk of long-term conflicts.
Setting expectations
The first priority is establishing stability for your children. Separation brings change, but children thrive on routine. Work with your co-parent to maintain as much consistency as possible in terms of school schedules, meals, bedtime and extracurricular activities. Agreeing on a shared routine early can set healthy, consistent expectations for everyone moving forward.
Communication between co-parents can be difficult during separation, but it is also going to be important. Set clear, respectful boundaries around how and when you will communicate. This might involve using email, texting only for emergencies, or using co-parenting apps that help to keep conversations organized and civil.
One of the best ways to start your separation on solid ground is to create a temporary parenting plan. Even if you haven’t yet filed legal documents, working with a skilled legal team to craft a written agreement about parenting time, holidays and responsibilities can prevent confusion and conflict. Keep in mind that this plan can be adjusted later, either through mutual agreement or court order, but drafting an early version of your responsibilities and rights can offer everyone a clear framework upon which to build.
Starting a separation with care and cooperation isn’t always easy, but it is possible. With patience, clear communication and a focus on building a healthier future, you and your co-parent can lay the foundation for a healthier, more functional co-parenting relationship moving forward.
